Dollar may no longer be the stripper's default currency. 

Ernie J. Jackson, Sr., of Altoona, is the city's leading expert on U.S. monetary policy and a firm believer in the Federal Reserve Board's recent effort to print more dollar bills.

As one of the city's major supporters of exotic dancers and sometimes just plain weird dancers, Jackson said the cheap dollar policy of the Fed keeps more dollars in circulation, especially in garter belts and g-strings.

"I'm all for the Fed printing more dollar bills," said Jackson, as he carefully creases a stack of dollar bills lying on the table in front of him. "It's just sound economic policy in the strip joint." 

Jackson said he doubts that increasing the number of dollars will lead to higher prices and a stagnant economy. In fact, Jackson said the unique position of the dollar as the default currency in strip joints makes the cheap dollar even more attractive.

And, if there are two things that Jackson likes, it's cheap and attractive. 

"I still get the same amount of attention from these girls as I did in the past, with no sign of inflation," said Jackson. "One dollar still gets a booty shake and a booby shake."

Notorious LeBump, a local dancer, is skeptical of Jackson's economic theory.

"I'm worried that the loose monetary policy will result in both an increase in inflationary pressures, as well as runaway government expansion, which will lead to a rapidly declining economic condition for private enterprise," said LaBump. "It's just not a sustainable model for a strong economic recovery."

"Shake it baby!" Jackson retorts. 

Obama worries cracker, white cracker babies support is at stake. 

The Obama administration is reeling after several race-based debacles. Now the poll numbers are suggesting the mishaps are hurting the President.

Officials are worried that the administration looks racist. This misrepresentation could mean the they'll lose both the Cracker vote and elements of the Honkie voting block.

Obama pollster Reginald Ferrengotti paints a stark picture of what's at stake for the nation's first post-whitey presidency.

"We are a full eight percentage points down among drunk, cracker-assed crackers and five percent down among those rich, pussified urban honkies," Ferrengotti said. "I'd tell you what the rednecks are trending, but none of thempoor bastards pay their phone bills. What I gotta go out there and count 'em on their porches? No way."

Ferrengotti said the administration hopes to pull some of the Honkey vote back by labeling them racists if they call the Obama administration racist.

"It's a reverse-reverse discrimination tactic," said Ferrengotti.

But they've largely written off the cracker, beauhunk, hymie, hick, wop, and kraut support.

"It's hard to believe in this day and age that a cracker would get so sensitive about race," said Ferrengotti.  

PennDOT is asking the Obama administration for new signs that better protect the five guys watching the one guy working.

Current signs only point out the man at work, said PennDOT representative Stu Hardcleft.

"That doesn't really address the other guys standing around  shooting the shit and watching him," said Hardcleft. "The motorist should exercise the necessary caution for those folks, too."

Last year, two guys watching another guy work were nearly injured by careless motorists.

"One guy spilled his coffee," said Hardcleft. "Not just a little bit. It was a complete loss."

Hardcleft said another worker in the Philadelphia area was burned when he dropped a lit cigarette onto his beer belly after a car swerved near a group of guys he was standing with while watching another guy work.

"He's on light duty now," said Hardcleft. "He is back at the office with some other guys watching another guy type." 

PennDOT is also asking for a new version of another classic safety sign. The new version states, "Slow Down. My Mommy and Daddy is Watching Someone Else's Mommy or Daddy Working." 

The request will be added to the $20 million for signs paid for by the Americans Watching Other Americans Throw Their Money Away on Useless Signs Act, signed by President Obama last year. 

Unnamed racist practices high five salute at NAACP meeting.

The Tea Party National Convention condemned the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People for explicit racism.

Tea Party spokesperson Derrick Devan said members of the party were insulted by the association's use of epithets in its own name and its lack of diversity.

"In this day and age, to call someone a 'colored' is offensive and should be cast into the recesses of history with other reminders of a racist age," said Devan. "Couldn't the rename it 'National Association of People of Color?'"

Dr. Franklin Franks, a representative of the NAACP said that the association couldn't rename it for "people of color" because it may allow "other people" in.

"The next thing you know we'd have a bunch of Jews or Hispanics running the place," said Franks. "Or a Chinaman. You know how they are."

The Tea Party also condemned the organization's lack of diversity. While Tea Party members come in all races and nationalities, the NAACP only allows black people in.

It's a charge the Franks acknowledges, but says is just an attempt for Tea Party members to  deflect against its own allegations of racism.

"It's just the pot calling the kettle colored," said Franks. "err. Black."