Following a controversial season, representatives from Tyrone Area High School’s football staff say they will now get the okay from the crowd before they make any on-field decisions.
“We recognize we have some of the smartest fans in high school athletics,” said one assistant coach. “When they’re not too drunk, we have state championship-caliber coaching up in the stands there. It’s like a real smart Aliquippa.”
The staff plans to use several technologies to tap this gridiron collective intelligence. An applause-o-meter will be installed at Gray Memorial Field. Coaches will call out possible play options and the fans will signal their approval, or disapproval. For those listening at home or in the bar, the coaches will offer American Idol-style text messaging.
“It’s about got dang time my intrinsic football genius be recognized by the powers that be,” said Jerome D “Pickles” Smythe, a self-described Golden Eagle super fan. “Many is the time my friends have said, you should be coaching the team and if it weren’t for a couple few DUIs and sundry offenses here or there, I could get the licensure to coach at the high school level.”
Fans can also offer their own coaching suggestions by substituting traditional cheers with directives. For instance, the typical “We Are… Tyrone!” chant could be replaced by “We are… leaning toward a half-back option pass!” Calls for “Deee… Fence” could be “Safeteeee… Blitz.”
Coaches say they aren’t too worried about the possibility of opposing coaches intercepting play calls.
“Our fans can be deceptively incoherent at times,” one assistant coach said. “Advantage… Tyrone.”
If successful, school administrators say that crowd knowledge could be used during basketball games and SAT examinations.
Money for the applause-o-meter could be drawn from the elementary music department.
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