DotPenn

Like a toxic middle finger… New Jersey’s manners poke into PA.

Officials from the U.S. Center for Disease Control has determined that an outbreak of New Jersey bad manners, also called flippin’ bird flu, is spreading westward, with no signs of letting up.

The center said that the populations of Harrisburg and State College have been completely overtaken. In a matter of time, Altoona and Johnstown will succumb to the disease that attacks the central nervous system and cripples the person’s ability to act civilly.

Dr. Rajid Moolhaddan, who conducted the study, said that symptoms include erratic driving behavior, increased cursing, and a lack of patience at fast food restaurants. “In the past, I could order my meal at the local Wendy’s without someone behind me saying, what the fook is your problem, you no good immigrant,’” Moolhadden said. “Now, I can not even get the words, ‘double cheeseburger’ out of my mouth when I hear someone cursing my family heritage and insinuating that my culture is too slow and deliberative.”

Don Mettelica, of Portage, said he feels that his home may be infected with the flippin’ bird flu. “My daughter continually says, ‘whatever,’ like she’s a Soprano, or something.” Mettelica said. “And I have an overwhelming desire to tell you to go frig yourself.”

Some experts warn that the rudeness of New Jersey could spread and meet the banality of Ohio somewhere over Monroeville. No expert could correctly predict the outcome of this collision, but it would definitely involve sausage and some form of pasta.

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