McCain Forced Into Conservative Reeducation Camp

February 22nd, 2008 · 1 Comment

Conservative media and Senator become McCain and Able?

Staffers said that Sen. John McCain (R-Sorta) has been forced into a Conservative reeducation camp following the dismal turnout of right-wing voters for his campaign in several of the nation’s primaries. The senator’s votes on immigration and tax cuts, along with his status as Ted Kennedy’s (D-One for the Road! Two for the bridge!) only non-drinking buddy has been the source of dissension among right-wing voters.

“We can tell you that the Senator has been taken away to a reconditioned Bible Boot camp in the Ozarks for a re-examination of values and ideals that better suit the conservative cause,” said Johnson T. McNitt, spokesman (that’s right spokesMAN) for Right Wing Rescue. Right Wing Rescue is a group that specializes in deprogramming left-leaning Conservatives.

“I’m here to tell you that Senator McCain is doing well,” McNitt said. “He’s recognized several leading Conservative thinkers.”

Prior to his reeducation, McNitt said that the Senator thought that Gary Bauer was, “that freaky-looking guy who sang Cars back in the eighties.” He also believed Clarence Thomas was one of Wally’s friends on the sitcom, Leave it to Beaver.

McCain can now identify all leading conservative thinkers and can give the times and station call letters for conservative radio shows in most metropolitan areas. “He used to believe there was a show called the “Rush Glenn Hannity” show,” McNitt said. “We have since relieved him of this erroneous view.”

Before he is released, McCain must sign a confession stating that he has “been a puppet for left-wing imperialism and has failed to vigorously defend the fatherland from the exploitation of Hollywood elites and the jaws of the bureaucratic machinery.”

McCain can no longer be chummy with Sen. Kennedy, either. A spokesperson for Kennedy said the senator replied that he is, “bombed out of his ever-lovin’ mind and could give two jiggers of bourbon for McCain’s condition and reeducation. Bom-Chicka-Waa-Waa.”

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