DotPenn

This tax collector is my kind of scum: fearless and inventive.

Prejudice exists on all society’s levels, particularly around the “waste” band. Supporters of Gov. Edward Rendell (D-Mmmm Harrisburger) said that his campaign to become the vice presidential candidate is being “weigh-laid’ by his ample girth. And perhaps his noted penchant for back-door deals.

Recent numbers from Pennsylvania’s last gubernatorial race suggests that skinny voters will not cast their ballots for a husky candidate. A total of 80 percent of skinny voters said they voted for Lynn Swann (R-Steeler), instead of Rendell, because of Swann’s lack of fat reserves.

Image conscious voters are increasingly turning their votes toward skinny candidates.

“It’s sad, but true, the image of a heavy person is not conducive to a political campaign,” said Gertrude Wallap, president of Fatties Unelectable No More (FUN-MO). “But we’re trying to change this by pushing for the appointment of Gov. Rendell as vice president on the Democratic ticket.”

Wallap said that the stereotypes that combines chunky and greasy with corrupt and political have gone together like roast beef, gravy, dumplings, and chocolate pudding. This image has been reinforced by the likes of Huey Long and Boss Tweed, and, in a more modern example, Boss Hogg.

Unfortunately, this fatty bias is hampering efforts to find a decent vice presidential candidate. According to Wallap, a large vice president could unite the Democrat’s two wings: the left wing and the bucket of chicken wings.

Wallap said that overweight politicians are products of a society that uses food as a weapon. “The typical overweight politician buys votes the same way he or she tried to buy love from a large Philly Cheesesteak and heaping side of fries as a youngster,” Wallap said. “It’s a pattern of binging and purging, but in this case, it’s with revenue from the state coffers and meaningless social projects that rarely work and only reinforce dependency.”

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