DotPenn

State College to promote operation Bird Ship to clean up borough.

The pristine streets of State College are under aerial assault and borough authorities believe they must take action. The borough has received hundreds of complaints about bird feces on State College streets and avenues recently.

After studying several options, the borough has asked a bird trainer to get the birds to crap somewhere else.

“We decided that, like other out-of-county residents, birds are encouraged to come here, work, shop, and eat, but they have to take their crap somewhere else,” said State College aviary specialist Nigel Wonkenfetzer.

Wonkenfetzer believes that Philipsburg and Tyrone are the most likely target for birds. “Since they’re bedroom communities of State College, there’s no reason they can’t be bathroom communities, too,” Wonkenfetzer said.

Other suggestions, such as installing bird outhouses on tree branches and building ledges or placing diapers on the birds, were ruled out as being unfair to birds.

Animal Rights activist, Sharon Teek, is pleased with the decision, but admits the move is not without peril for the birds. “We are a little worried that the birds may impale themselves on used hypodermic needles in Tyrone,” Teek said. “They could also be mistaken as chickens by hungry hillbillies.”

Teek suggested the birds should not be blamed for their unsanitary behavior. “They are probably mimicking behavior that they learned from watching college students on weekends,” she said.

(Props to ChrisCraft for suggesting the article.)

 Email This Post

Other Headlines…

Allegheny Township residents to supervisors: Are you guys on dope, too?

CIA makes satellite pay for its insolence

Bellefonte council to use laptops to surf net during dull budget sessions