Alcohol makes everything better… except Penn State basketball.
Boozehounds said that selling liquor at State College’s downtown State Theatre could help them enjoy more films, even politically-ponderous movies common to college towns and Siberian gulags.
The State Theatre is applying for a liquor license, despite opposition from borough council and the ladies of the Nittany Temperance Union and Garden Club.
Local drunk Eric Claymiser is excited about the prospect of taking in cultural events without missing out on his quart-of-Vodka-a-day drinking habit. “I appreciate the arts,” Claymiser said. “But, a bucket of popcorn, some juju bees and the touring cast of Mamma Mia don’t take the edge off.”
Claymiser suggests that allowing alcohol in theater will improve the performance and intellectual understanding. “If the media and entertainment industries have taught us anything, it’s that alcohol makes all of life’s ventures more pleasurable,” Claymiser said. “Why the hell should this be any different? I mean, I went to see Syriana sober, damn man. The longest six hours of my life.”
Nadine Perry-Coopersmith, media relations mistress for the Nittany Temprance Union and Garden Club, disagrees with the proposal to give theater patrons liquor.
“We don’t believe that imbibing of the spirits engenders desirous behavior in the theater,” said Perry-Coopersmith. “Besides, if you wish to partake in alcohol, there are places to do so outside of the State College theater district; they are called Philipsburg and Tyrone.”
When Perry-Coopersmith was informed that her group had little power to change the petitions for alcohol in the theater, she replied, “Just watch us and, a kind word, it’s pronounced ‘thee-ay-ter,’ bee-yatch.”
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2 responses so far ↓
1 Ricardo Almquist III // Feb 26, 2008 at 7:23 am
Claymiser is clearly from outside of the Centre Region — attitudes like his are destroying the arts and eroding the superior culture, tinted with local colour, we’ve produced in State College. The Borough is right — no booze in the theatre!
2 ChuckJagermeister // Feb 26, 2008 at 11:14 am
I believe I got the god-given right to get plastered where I want, when I want, with whom I want and with why I want!
This is in the constitution.
I’m comin to your plays and getting my drink on. Except if its neil Simon. His plots are a little contrived. I know this.
You don’t know me. You don’t know my name.
I started drinking last night to help me write this.
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