DotPenn

Come to Johnstown for the history; stay for the bitchin’ waves.

The Johnstown Levybreaker, a flood-themed water park, is slated to open next to the Johnstown Flood Musuem, according to a developer’s plan.

John Jay Snidley, of Water Whiplash Park Plus, is seeking permission to build a 10-acre water park and fish-petting zoo near the flood museum. “We think if anyone knows the power and the fury of water, as well as the ability to make a buck or two from disasters, it’s the people of Johnstown,” said Snidely as he stroked his pencil-thin mustache. “The possibilities are as limitless as the resources of the hardworking folks who built this city. Then had it destroyed. Then re-built it. Then had it destroyed. And rebuilt it.”

The park will feature the Murtha Flume that will let visitors take a ride in an “earmark boat” that floats through the park and then cascades into a 100-foot drop that represents most of our tax dollars.

Surfers can also try out the wave pool called, “The Collapse of the South Fork Dam.” This pool generates 25-foot high waves for surfing, body-surfing and simulated drowning.

For those who don’t want to get wet, the park features “The South Fork Fishing and Hunting Club.” Guests can lolly-gag around the man-made pond that was build by constructing a shoddy earthen dam that could give at any moment.

“This is what we call living history. It gives you a chance to pretend like your a robber baron who is staring out across the gallons of water, you start to worry about all those innocent lives that might be snuffed out if your poorly constructed dam collapses,” Snidely said. “But then you realize, just like today, immigration can easily replace all that waterlogged cheap labor. Huzzah!”

Snidely said he will present plans at the next Cambria County Commissioners meeting and then pass out bribes in the parking lot.

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