DotPenn

Kooks promise tofu chicken in every pot, space ship in every garage.

Kook voters are worried that the entry of Ralph Nader (I-Frumpy) could split their powerful voting caucus.

Elizabeth Detrio, a pollster for the Ron Paul (R-L. Ron Paul Hubbard) campaign, said that she has already seen a shift of voters away from the Paul campaign toward those voting for Nader and Mickey Mouse. Both Axl Rose, former frontman for Guns N Roses and Dumb Donald, of Fat Albert fame, once top vote-getters among kooks, are seeing a similar drain on support.

“Despite the seeming endless supply of kooks, there is a limit to the kook vote,” said Detrio. “And candidates who rely on this voting block are becoming increasingly paranoid. Although some are just misdiagnosed and are actually manic-depressive.”

Some say that the exit of Dennis Kucinich (D-Nanu Nanu) as a Democratic hopeful was in anticipation of either Nader’s announcement or that Kucinich heard rumors of the pending arrival of the mother ship from Zeta Reticuli.

Nader, who wrote the book Unsafe at Any Speed, which was later turned into the Fast and Furious, Tokyo Drift, has made a habit of splitting the kook vote.

“Sometimes I get upset with Mr. Nader because he helped George W. Bush get elected,” said Brad “Cha-Cha” Figorino, a longtime kook voter. “But then, this little voice in my head that I call, “Mucho El Diablo,” tells me that I should vote for Nader because the wrinkles on his suits form an exact replica of the mysterious Martian face mounds. Mucho El Diablo also asks us to wear a label from a can of salmon on our foreheads.”

Mucho El Diablo is a Hillary Clinton supporter, Figorino added as he mooned drivers on Plank Road in Altoona.

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