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Public meeting to set public straight on participation. PennDOT, the state's transportation agency and funding black hole, will hold a series of public meetings to better inform the populace that the agency is doing whatever the hell they want and no one can stop them. According to PennDOT spokesperson Ryan C. Crest, the agency has faced the perception that the public is allowed to offer input at meetings and hearings on transportation initiatives. This has caused misunderstanding and a misperception on how much the public's input is valued. "We have to clear up this false impression that PennDOT is interested in their opinions," Crest said. "God, the meetings are getting so long. Yap. Yap. Yap. Shut up, already." Worse yet, some citizens believe that PennDOT actually acts on their advice. These citizens think that the transportaion agency uses their input to better design roads and highways. "Oh, yeah, that's rich, what would you guys know about highway engineering?" said a laughing Crest. "Man, I wish denial was a river in Pennsylvania because we'd get $200 million to build bridge halfway across it." Public meetings are just fronts, Crest said, as are other public forums, such as focus groups and community vision meetings. "You want a community visioning, ship your ass off to Wacki-fornia," Crest said. "Of course, you'll be lucky to make it out of the state on our roads." Larry Bartleby, who came to a recent PennDOT meeting to talk about the agency's plan to build a highway through his garage, said he appreciates the new approach. "I, for one, appreciate the honesty," said Bartleby. "I'm glad my tax money is being spent by people who are willing to tell me to shut my pie hole." Other headlines... Fans can soon watch other Big Ten teams kick the crap out Penn State. Reporters driving around taking pictures of how high gas prices are drives up gas prices. Latest weapon in War on Drugs. Police employ drug-sniffing cats.
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