Scientists: Climate Change Won’t Halt PA’s Sucky Weather

March 10th, 2008 · 1 Comment

Global weather might change; Pennsylvania’s will stay crappy.

Most global climatologists agree that while they believe the world’s climate is changing, they don’t believe it will alter Pennsylvania’s sucky weather.

A recent climatology convention, which was delayed twice due to snow, got underway on the Penn State campus, in spite of a flood watch.

“All our computer models show that from now until the earth is consumed by a great gamma ray burst, Pennsylvania’s weather will always suck,” Gerald P. Axlehoodie, a noted climatologist said. “No amount of global warming, cooling, washing, or drying can solve that problem.”

According to the latest global climate forecasts, Pennsylvania’s weather will spawn wet, dreary Autumns; snowy, crappy Winters; wet, mildewy Springs and damp, humid Summers. Temperatures will only rise to uncomfortable levels in the depths of Summer, the models also predict.

Cloud coverage will continue unabated in Pennsylvania, although some climatologists expect the gray skies that continually cover the state will eventually change to a dull grayish-black color.

Eloise Deifendorfer, a scientist who doubts global climate change exists, totally buys the Pennsylvania Sucky Weather Constant theory.

“I can’t see the weather in Pennsylvania ever being ‘good’ or even ‘half-decent’ for that matter,” said Deifendorfer. “The polar ice caps could melt to a level that would make Altoona ocean front property and the weather would still suck.”

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