DotPenn

Adopting babies from Snyder Township is new Hollywood trend.

The dull central Pennsylvania backwater community got a little Hollywood star shine over the weekend when representatives for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie visited Snyder Township to arrange for the adoption of local children.

Mary Beth Goodling, a representative for Babies for Babes, the agency that handles adoptions for Hollywood stars and starlets, concluded her fact-finding tour.

“We have been in the most poverty-stricken, dirt-encrusted, junk-filled places in the world,” Goodling pronounces soberly. “We have never encountered anything like Snyder Township.”

Goodling said the Pitt and Jolie are interested in adopting two Snyder Township children, but formalities exist.

“We have to arrange the trade of cigarettes and NASCAR hats with the parents to get custody of the children,” Goodling said. “Then we have to delouse and, of course, de-name them.” Goodling said that Snyder Township parents tend to misspell names, or add excessive middle names.

“One poor kid’s name is ‘Bratnee’, which the parent insisted was named ‘Brittany’, ” Goodling said. “The other child’s name is Jim Bob Bobbie Joe Jim.”

Community activist Mae Belle Carson is adamant that Hollywood stars are not welcome in Snyder Township; nor are they welcome adopting the town’s children, or “free laborin’ livestock,” as she likes to call them.

“We should be adopting their children, if Mr. Pitt is able to conceive with his she-hag,” said Carson. “Then his brat would learn true arts such as method cloggin’ and engage in the ancient ways of tick-pickin’ and craw-dad skinnin’!”

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