Teacher’s union enacts “No Excuses Left Behind” policy
Students are telling Blair County school administrators that unnamed members of the Bush administration have altered or outright destroyed their homework.
Andy Fetterline, a middle school student in Blair County, said Bush administration officials demanded he turn over his term paper on the Battle of Saratoga, citing concerns that the essay violated the Patriot Act.
“Man, they were all dressed in black and tore that paper right out of my dog Chi-Chi’s mouth,” Fetterline said. “Then they told my old man not to go to work the day after the Steelers played on Monday night.”
Rachele Masey, a teacher’s union representative, said that Bush administration interventions are legitimate excuses for missed assignments, as are socialist friendship mission vacations to Venezuela and gay rights marches.
“Let’s face it, the No Child Left Behind Act should be called, Let’s Waterboard our Teachers and Children Act,” Masey said. “We have no reason to not believe that the Bush administration is not involved in missing homework assignments–that’s a triple negative in case your counting Mr. Cheney!”
When asked where Mr. Cheney was, Masey moved a nearby desk lamp aside and simply said, “bugs.”
According to Fetterline, members of the Bush administration are also requiring that he spend more time playing the “Medal of Honor” video game to sharpen his reflexes for the War on Terror against the evil-doers.
1 response so far ↓
1 Ricardo Almquist III // Jan 10, 2008 at 9:55 am
Honestly this sort of thing wouldn’t fly in a blue ribbon school district like State College. I fear with the new school board, however, that things are going to go downhill in the future. It probably won’t be very long before the Feds push their noses in here and start requiring these rediculous requirements from our teachers and students.
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