Altoona Prostitute Accused of Using Political Service

March 17th, 2008 · No Comments

Thin line between politics and prostitution is fine. Damn fine.

A teary Altoona area hooker resigned her post as governor of the Ho-Shoe Curves Call Girl Service Union during a news conference where she admitted that she cavorted with politicians.

“It was an error in judgement and I regret it,” said Monique Spritzer, who also goes by the street name the Reformer. “I just don’t want to drag the reputation of the rest of the girls down by the perception that we are in bed with politicians. I realize now that may not have been the best choice of words.”

Spritzer is accused of seeking out an undisclosed state representative and several council members for help with installing a stop light near her bordello. Spritzer said that the stop light would help with business.

Throughout the turmoil, Spritzer’s pimp, L. Ron Biggs, has stood by his ho.

“She’s a good ho,” said Biggs. “She’s just a little naive in her belief that government institutions ultimately service the small business ho. This is a falsehood. ‘Sides, she’s my only source of income at present.”

Other members of Altoona’s sex industry were not as forgiving.

“While I understand she had those temptations thinking that a politician could service her needs, we can’t tarnish the reputation of hookers in our area by knowingly associating with the likes of politicians and government bureaucrats,” said Cheyenne Macci, an Altoona hooker. “We have pride in our work.”

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