Excessive Finger Pointing Reported at PennDOT, Rendell News Conference

March 27th, 2008 · No Comments

Rendell to feds: Oh! Highways, eh? Nyuck. Nyuck. Nyuck.

Emergency responders said a recent news conference about Pennsylvania’s decaying infrastructure turned into a finger-pointing free-for-all, resulting in numerous eye injuries and the potential for new taxpayer contributions.

The news conference was called to discuss the shut-down of I-95 in Philadelphia after an inspector spotted a crack on the road. While highway inspectors often find crack tossed out by drug dealers fleeing cops on the Philadelphia freeway, this crack was a humongous damaged area in the road.

According to witnesses, Gov. Ed “G Money” Rendell (D-Philly Cheesesteak) began pointing at PennDOT workers seated at the press conference. They pointed back at Rendell. Then, Rendell pointed at federal highway representatives, who pointed back at PennDOT. PennDOT reps pointed back at the feds. The feds, then, pointed up in the air, blaming God, a higher power, or however you choose to define a large spirit who breaks roadways.

Road salt and a sausage sandwich were also blamed during the melee.

In the flurry of finger-pointing, six eyes were poked out and several feelings were hurt.

“The governor has said this is no time to blame each other,” said Barney Wilcock, a state public affairs officer. “It’s time to pin the wrap on some likely scapegoat, continue spending taxpayer money injudiciously, and make sure the party keeps going for as long as possible.”

Investigators for the Occupational Safety and Health Administration will now require all participants in Rendell/PennDOT press conferences to wear appropriate safety eyewear or goggles, as well as foamy fan fingers.
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