DotPenn

Pepper turbines to churn huge amount of spice and subsidies.

Proponents say that a proposed pepper mill farm will help Americans alleviate the spiraling cost of pepper and decrease their dependence on unreliable sources of foreign pepper.

Shamesa, the Spanish industrial pepper mill conglomerate, is seeking approval a sprawling pepper mill farm on the Allegheny Ridge, which stretches along Blair and Centre counties. While most pepper mill farms use coal or nuclear power to move their gigantic cranks, the proposed mill will use the ridge’s abundant supply of wind and self-serving politicians.

Girard Gleckman, a spokesperson for Shamesa, said the pepper mill farm converts massive quantities of the pepper plant (piper nigrum) into ordinary pepper flakes. Interestingly, it can grind the beaks and talons of eagles, hawks, and other raptors into salt.

“There’s really no waste produced in this process and the enormous blades cause no noise,” Gleckman said. “Except for the occasional cry of pain from an eagle and, of course, the sneezing.”

Not all residents are happy with the plan. One group, Association for Clean Hills Over Our Skies (Achoos), said that the giant pepper mills will only increase America’s appetite for spices. The noise of grinding pepper is also a concern.

“In other areas where the industrial pepper mill turbines have been constructed, residents have been required to wear ear plugs,” said ACHOOS spokesperson Mary Wallabean. “And that was just to lessen the effects of all the complaining.”

The group also says the mills only exist due to government subsidies, which negatively affect both the paprika and cinnamon industries.

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