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Religious fervor over sandwich sweeps through Blair County.

From the outside, the Hoagie Krishnan compound in Gypsum Camp Hollow looks like any other place in Snyder Township. Ramshackle huts teetering on collapse and trailers resting on blocks dot the poorly-maintained landscape.

Inside, though, a thriving cult of hoagie worshippers meet for the weekly “Hoagie Handling” service.

“The Lord said you will eat extra hot hoagies and your mouth shall in no ways be burned! Shall not be burned! Hallelujah,” the preacher Grover Landless beseeches his congregation as they prepare to eat meat and onion hoagie sandwiches laced with extra hot peppers. “Fear not, beloved.”

According to local historians, a group of teenagers on their way back from a Tyrone hoagie shop, took a wrong turn and were forced to abandon their vehicle and load of hoagies. A group of Snyder Township residents, searching for grubs and aluminum cans, stumbled on the car and tasted the strange-smelling, onion-soaked foods they discovered.

The taste sensation swept through the hollow people and quickly reached a religious zeal as it mixed with the native population’s intrinsic Christianity. The result is a theology based on hoagie eating.

The cult of the Hoagie eaters involves several hoagie-eating services each day, as well as time spent in religious devotion to the hoagie.

The cult has a sinister side, as well. The moves of the cult members are tracked by Rev. Landless. Any member who veers off the path of hoagie-eating and eats pasta, or just a regular sub, are strictly reprimanded.

Speaking on the condition of anonymity, one cult member speaks out about this practice. “I was lured into a hamburger shop and consumed three large hamburgers, for this Rev. Landless banished me from the community for two weeks. I was able to smell the sweet onion holiness of the hoagie, but could not partake. My shame was great.”

According to local authorities, the cult has shown some disturbing signs. Recently, their literature–the HoagieTower–shows signs of world destruction. Global warming and mass vegetarianism has brought the world to the edge, the material states.

Police eye the compound warily for signs the cult could go violent, but most officials say that the cult is mainly peaceful, except when they run out of Middleswarth chips.

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