DotPenn

One can never be too skinny, too rich, or have too many pluralses.

A recent study conducted by the Penn State Institute of Linguistic Curiosities indicates that central Pennsylvanian residents have trouble enunciating plural words and plural words with apostrophes. They have created a new class of words that linguistic experts are calling wantonly-dictated double possessive plurals.

Dr. Elmer J. Peabody, director of the linguistic institute, pointed out some of the common manifestations.

“For instance, a central Pennsylvanian never goes to Sheetz,” Peabody said. “He or she will go to Sheetzes. Likewise, when the Ames discount store was still in business, people would go to Ameses, not Ames.”

Peabody said the problem arises when the word ends in an “s” or a “z.” Central Pennsylvanians will immediately add an extra “s” on it to make it possessive.

Restaurants, like McDonalds, becomes McDonaldses and the delicious peanut butter and chocolate treat becomes the Reeseses cup, much like the monkey, although central Pennsylvanian refers to the Rhesus monkey as the Rhesuseses monkey.

“In some cases, sentences can sound like a rapidly deflating tire,” Peabody said. “So if Judeo-Christians’ patriarch ,Moses, bought a Reese’s Cup at Sheetz, the resulting sentence would be: Moseses Reeseses Cup was bought at Sheetzes.”

Andy Sharwick, of Sinking Valley, said that he doubts that all central Pennsylvanians use double possessive plurals.

“Dr. Peabody’ses Instituteses work is very interesting,” Sharwick said. “But I doubt it has much use for real worldses applicationses.”

 Email This Post

Other headlines…

Man gets two DUI’s in two days… determined to get drunken hat trick.

Is everyone drunk?

Chelsea Clinton comes to Johnstown. May be only sober person in PA.