Chic-n-Geek: Heiress and scientists team up to evangelize global hotness.
Taking her lead from Al-O-bama Gore’s (D-Chicken Little) campaign to prove global warming, Paris Hilton is raising $300 million to convince people that hotness exists… and she knows hot, baby.
Hilton staffers said that funds will procure scientists to gather evidence for global hotness and help fabricate information to refute the contrary. The money will also be spent on a massive public relations campaign and a party at Les Deux, LA’s trendy hot spot.
The heiress is riding high after the release of her documentary, Simple Lies, an exploration of her own contribution to global hotness and the homemade sex tape industry.
Penn State global climatologist Seymore Glouper and Altoona Beauty School alum and global cosmetologist Tisha Bonaperk are joining the team.
“One would think that things like physical beauty and attractiveness are self-evident,” said Glouper. “In other words, if one was hot, you wouldn’t need to spend millions of dollars convincing someone that it’s the truth. Unfortunately that is not the case.”
“Right on doc, people come in two models–pretty and pretty stupid,” Bonaperk joined in. “Some wouldn’t now hot if it smacked ‘em upside their big, ugly, unkempt heads.”
Using funds for the Paris Hilton trust, the group has taken out network ads on American Idol and MTV’s TRL.
“They’re, like, the shows that smart people and people with nice hair watch and that’s where we want to be,” Bonaperk said. “These people know attraction and are attractive.”
Hilton also plans to send her crack team of scientists and cosmetologists on public relations tours, because, “people just can’t get enough of seeing professors talk about stuff,” Bonaperk said.
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6 responses so far ↓
1 Ricardo Almquist III // May 1, 2008 at 4:59 am
I am outraged that you would parody Sen. Gore’s work. This is the most important issue facing humanity EVER! All you global climate change deniers need to get your heads straight and STOP polluting the earth with your SUVs, huge, overpriced houses, gourmet foods shipped from across the planet, big box retail, and trendy coffee shops.
You disgust me.
2 SandwichesoftheLord // May 1, 2008 at 6:13 am
I agree with Ricardo.
Although, I encourage the continued posting of Paris Hilton pictures.
3 Big Jimmie Beaver // May 1, 2008 at 8:24 am
Bring on the warmth, I’m tired of being cold here in PA.
4 Ricardo Almquist III // May 1, 2008 at 8:30 am
Beaver — why do you hide behind a pseudonym? If you really feel like global warming is a good thing, why don’t you come out and say so? Or are you just another GOP FASCIST?
5 Big Jimmie Beaver // May 1, 2008 at 8:56 am
Ricardo, I’m an old school Blue Dog Dem! I’m just not a blue Kool-Aid drinking Liberal loon.
Yeah global warming is happening, is it an end of the world scenario NO! Will some Polar Bears die yes. Can we stop it NO! Why? Emissions needs to be cut down by 80%. Uh not going to happen. China is burning more coal than ever and they can’t even get their people to stop smoking during the Olympics.
So there you have it from the mind of Big Jimmie Beaver
6 Ricardo Almquist III // May 2, 2008 at 11:38 am
Not one more dime for oil until the federal government invests in clean, green technology!
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