Murtha: McCain Not Sexy Enough for House of Reps.

April 22nd, 2008 · No Comments

Reeeer! Congressional cat fight: Murtha says McCain isn’t sexy enough.

Just days after saying Sen. John McCain (R-Senior Citizen) is too old for the presidency, John Murtha (D-Dead Sexy) has called out the Senator again, saying McCain couldn’t make it in the House of Representatives.

Why? He’s not sexy enough.

According to John Efton-Hogg, a young staffer for Murtha who is serving as the Congressman’s style consultant, McCain would really have to work on his ensemble and get a good manicure before he could even think of running for a House seat.

“I mean, c’mon, get a look at those nails,” Efton-Hogg said. “The Hanoi Hilton doesn’t have a good manicurist? Puh-lease”

Efton-Hogg said that he has Murtha on a strict exercise and diet regime to make sure he’s House sexy. He also wears man-makeup, thanks to his new staffers advice.

“Johnny Murtha can work both sides of the aisle now, sugar,” Efton-Hogg said. “He’s fierce!”

Efton-Hogg said Murtha, who is 75 years old, looks like he’s 72. McCain is 72, Efton-Hogg pointed out, but he looks “73 or 74.”

Eric Dumbarger, a resident in Murtha’s super sexy district, said Murtha is much sexier than McCain.

“I’m secure enough in my masculinity to say he’s just a better looking man,” Dumbarger said. “Murtha is sexy enough to be President. If he wasn’t so damn old.”

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