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Scary cult believed in social, cultural viability of the family unit.

Members of the Snyder Township morality police staged an early morning raid on a farmette run by a monogamous cult.

The two leaders –labeled “mother” and “father” by the cult’s young adherents–were taken into custody. Police have charged the couple with one count of threatening the township’s social fabric and a count of not sharing one’s woman-folk. Both charges carry an immediate expulsion from the community.

“We can’t have simple monogamous relationships interfering with the natural law of multiplicity and enriching the diversity of the environment,” Morality Police Chief David Deckerdent said. “For it is written plainly in the good book that what is good for the goose should be made twice or even eight times as good for another goose.”

Deckerdent described the scene at the farmette as “bizarre” and “sick.” Even with his 15 years on the force, the lack of sexual depravity was hard to take.

“Well, we discovered all the children in separate beds and the man and his woman sleeping together,” Deckerdent said. “We waited to see if the other wives just went to the bathroom, or something, but apparently this sick, sick man was living with just one woman.”

“Worse, yet,” Deckerdent said. “the couple weren’t even related.”

Community activist Mae Belle Carson was on hand for the raid, wearing a homespun flannel dress and black clogging shoes.

“Good fer them goody-goody solo love gluttons,” Carson said as she danced. “Imagine the audacity of withholding love from all the brother-men in our village.”

“It is a sin of pride and selfishness,” she added as she began to catcall several men in the morality police brigade.

“You need an extra girlfriend, officer!” she shouted. “I’ll write you out a citation, a citation of love, law dog.”

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