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Sympathy for the devil: Satan rejects dealing with Shaner.

The dark lord has put the kibosh on House candidate Matt Shaner’s deal to trade his soul for Pennsylvania’s 5th District House seat.

Satan, who prefers to use only his first name for brand purposes like Madonna, Cher and Vodka, said that he’s had problems with the Shaner deal from the start.

“Oh, this one was red-flagged as soon as I saw the name on the application,” Satan said.

“And it looks like he’s doing a pretty good job of delivering his soul to me without a contract, actually,” Satan continued. “But, just between you and me, Shaner even scares me a little.”

Satan also said he’s been bogged down with the other requests that have been pouring in during primary season.

“Look, I mean I have Hillary Clinton harping about selling her soul for a third term as president. I have Bill Belichick wanting to sell Roger Goodell’s soul for another Super Bowl.” Satan said. “And now Shaner? It’s just getting a little too much for the adminstration to handle.”

Satan said that Shaner’s original request was for a couple million bucks, but he soon secured that financing.

“Why does he need me? Here’s a guy who has everything… looks, talents, brains, money,” Satan said. “Well. OK. So, he’s only got money, but that goes a long way in a securing a seat of power in a representative democracy based on shifting, secular values.”

Representatives from the Shaner’s campaign said the candidate was undeterred by Satan’s reluctance and have already begun to petition Ozzy Osbourne to mediate the matter.

“Not fookin’ likely,” was Ozzy’s initial response.

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