Give us your shiftless, your indolent, your slugs yearning for free housing.
For the past 20 years, Tyrone has become synonymous with that gritty, blue-collar determination to turn a once-thriving, hard-working middle class community into the shiftless, non-working underbelly of central Pennsylvania.
Recognizing that, Tyrone just secured a little piece of subsidized history by attaining its 20th consecutive Section 8 Championship. The challenge pits communities against each other in a competition to build and maintain the most Section 8 housing units on a per capita basis.
“It’s really hard to put a good town down, but we did it,” said Guy Fardley, president of Tyrone’s Poor Planning Commission. “We preach consistency in this town. If you’re digging yourself into a hole, keep digging.”
At one time, Tyrone had few public and Section 8 housing, but over the past 20 years the town has surpassed nearby communities for these types of units. The amount has far outstripped the demand for the locally indolent; the town is actually attracting bums from other towns, including major cities.
“When you have people from New York City, Philadelphia, and Pittsburgh saying, I want to make Tyrone the place where I can not have a job and have other people raise my children,” Fardley said. “Well, that’s not something every town can say.”
Tamara Clacker, another member of the Tyrone Poor Planning Commission, said the town expects to encounter challenges over the next few years. With I-99 expected to be completed in the next millenium, the more affluent State College residents are seeking cheaper housing and an easy commute. This could cause an increase in real estate tax revenue and higher property values.
“We’re doing what we can to thwart this,” Clacker said. “Putting a bunch of Godzilla-sized industrial wind turbines on the ridges should keep those rich, working jerks from polluting the community with their work ethic and increased tax base.”
Clacker said the town may be poor in some ways, but considers itself rich in poor infrastructure and poor planning.
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9 responses so far ↓
1 Pacowithtaco // May 9, 2008 at 5:48 am
Oh, to be number 1! WE ARE… TYRONE…!!!
2 Big Jimmie Beaver // May 9, 2008 at 6:22 am
You all might hold the title for Section 8 housing, but up here in Clearfield County we hold the title for the most Methadone Clinics.
Best part about it is Health Ride picks up Blair Counties finest and brings them on over, but if you have if your not a drug abuser Health Ride won’t give you a ride to the doctor.
3 Aces // May 9, 2008 at 6:36 am
Don’t worry Big Jimmie… Blair county has plans on catching up to Clearfield county and bringing in people from Pittsburgh!
We need more of those legally disabled herion addicts.
4 Utinker // May 9, 2008 at 10:25 am
Methadone clinics?
Hahahahaha. There’s no money in those.
Come back and talk to us once you’ve secured a couple dozen windmills and several hundred Section 8 housing units.
….if you can’t run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.
5 Banksy // May 9, 2008 at 12:02 pm
As deplorable as this is - Tyrone has an even bigger problem. There isn’t a single bakery in town! Sure Burger King’s apple pies are delicious - but man cannot live on pie alone. This boy needs his Struedel and Danish!
6 Utinker(Real) // May 9, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Naughty Naughty to hide behind someone else’s name. I for one stick up for what I say and admit when I am wrong for what I have said. To use the Utinker name is just wrong. And I now have my ideas to whom is using it. I for one say nothing negative about my hometown…Anyone who knows me knows that. I will be looking you up soon.
7 Utinker(Real) // May 9, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Deb….Keep in mind masquerading around as someone else, is not a good idea. Utinker is Bill Latchford…and now I have to use Utinker(Real) that is just a very childish way to be Deb.
8 Utinker // May 9, 2008 at 1:08 pm
itink utink
9 Sal Mincone // May 12, 2008 at 3:54 am
….if you can’t run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.
Is Bill Latchford the name of a dog?
Woof! Woof!
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