Media on Economy: Recession. Depression. Please advertise!
Economists received gloomy news last week that the worst economy since the depression grew by over a half percent.
“At this rate I’ll be dead before most of humanity is killed and the rest of us are forced to endure a hand-to-mouth existence as subsistence farmers and mastodon hunters,” Malbert Crickendale, economist for the DotPenn financial report said. “I wish the Democrats in Congress would get off their asses and do something to speed up this demise.”
Crickendale said that mainstream media’s continual harping on the “subprime implosion,” “credit massacre,” “unprecedented foreclosures” and “Brittany’s meltdown” should have had far worse effects on mass consciousness by now.
“It’s like too many people are watching Lost, or something,” Crickendale said. “People need to wake up and take care of the demise of their own destinies here!”
Eric Reginald Waller, a Bellefonte resident who regularly makes his mortgage payments and has a good credit history, is also worried about the glimmer of economic hope.
“When I saw that Jose Conseco lost his 7,000 square foot house to foreclosure I thought that it would be the end of the real estate market as we know it,” Waller said. “I mean if a drug-addled rat of a ballplayer can’t keep his mansion, who am I not to be knocked down a few pegs?”
Waller said the few hundred dollars in the government’s recent stimulus package has done little to lift his spirits.
“Do you know the price of steroids?” Waller asks. “How are a few measely hundred bucks going to help Mr. Conseco? I am devastated.”
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5 responses so far ↓
1 Ricardo Almquist III // May 8, 2008 at 7:50 am
This is rediculous. We’re clearly already in a recession, anybody paying attention to the news knows that. This is just like global warming — all you fascist deniers had better repent and accept the facts of our situation: the economy is going down the toilet and so is the environment and we’ve got nobody to blame but ourselves.
2 ILovePuggs // May 8, 2008 at 8:06 am
My psychologist said it’s important not to blame myself.
That I should scapegoat racial groups who I have little affinity with. Like Eskimos and people named, Barry.
3 Big Jimmie Beaver // May 8, 2008 at 8:38 am
Want to know what the real problem is?
3.59 gas and 120 $ oil
Future traders should have their you know what’s cut off. They take their money out of the real estate market and the financial market and dump it into oil and gold. They want to play that game they should be paying a huge tax to buy oil.
Ethanol production needs to be stopped as well it’s not doing anybody any good but farmers who have moved all their crops to corn which has caused a food shortage in the world. How about this want to only plant corn for ethanol then how about you pay win fall tax.
Just had to blow off some steam just got done paying 50 bucks to fill up a Chevy Cavalier. Gesh
4 Ricardo Almquist III // May 8, 2008 at 10:36 am
While I agree that Big Oil should be paying a windfall profits tax, it is unconscionable that we stop our biofuel programs such as ethanol. Government spending is the only way we can solve the problems with the economy and environment (I like to call this set of problems “e^2″, or “e squared”).
We should be taxing the pants off those fascist warmongers on Wall Street!
5 HarmlessGirl // May 11, 2008 at 8:49 am
But the good news is that if the dollar gets any weaker, Nike and Microsoft will start building their factories here!
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