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Declining snob scores force State College School Board to hike taxes.

Members of the State College School Board said that a recent survey on lower student standards prompted an increase in school taxes.

Juan Valdeez, who initiated the survey, presented his report, “Why Johnny Can’t Snub” at last week’s regular session of the school board. The report found a decrease in elitism at the middle, junior, and high school levels.

“Our findings indicate a 26 percent slip in snobbery among our student body in only two years,” Valdeez said. “This is a precipitous decline and we also saw a decline in students who use big words like precipitous to differentiate themselves from Bellefonte kids.”

In the survey, 16 percent of State College High School senior girls said they would “consider” dating a guy from Tyrone, that’s up from 8 percent last year. A total of 24 percent of State College males would “consider” dating a guy from Tyrone, about even with last year’s numbers.

In another worrisome trend, 15 percent of high school students are “not strongly averse” to saying hello to someone from Philipsburg and other people from “Over the Mountain”–or “OMers”–as they’re widely known.

“I don’t mind the tax increase, if the money is directly funded into programs that will reinvigorate our students’ love of selves,” Delores McFinney-Baxter, a parent of two State High girls, said. “I have nightmares of sharing Thanksgiving dinner with a boy from Philipsburg and he brings the turkey that he shot himself, or ran over with a four-wheeler.”

One bright spot is elementary school students. Tests indicate that, thanks to parental over-indulgence, young kids are scoring high on the snub test and, in fact, have begun to disdain people from “newly monied” areas in the district.
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