DotPenn

DotPenn Presents: It’s a Sick World. Therapy for environmental illness.

From billboards to movies, it’s everywhere: People are taking an active interest in telling other people to be more “green.”

The message seems to be taking hold. More people want other people to live sustainably. Although, they don’t necessarily want to make any lifestyle changes themselves. After all, that’s, like, hard.

If you’re one of those folks who want other people to be more environmentally conscious, so you don’t have to, DotPenn presents five ways to fake eco-consciousness.

Add the word “Hybrid” to your car.
If you have a gas-guzzling, road stomping car, truck, or SUV and would like to be the one dishing out unappreciative looks, simply add the word “hybrid” to your vehicle. Raised silver lettering is best. A World War II-vintage M2 half-track with a “hybrid” insignia will pass on most occasions.

Skip showers.
Skipping showers not only saves on water and lowers heating costs, but can also give you the crusty, earthy look that instantly lends you cred from the environmental community. Skip deodorant, too.

Wear wrinkly clothes that feature the Sun or some nature image.
If you have a t-shirt with a sun on it, this means you are in tune with nature. They should be wrinkled so it looks like you beat your clothes dry on a stone, like the Amish. Try coupling it with some kind of bead, or Eastern religious symbol, But be careful, Gaia is a jealous goddess and you should have no graven idols before her.

Try designer glasses and a shaved head.
If you want to act like you’re from the future, dress like it. While silver lame jumpsuit can be worn on special occasions–Star Trek conventions, Star Wars movie premieres, baptisms, etc.–you should, at the very least, shave your head and wear designer glasses. Your look should say, “I have been to the future and it’s so hot because of your environmental meddling that I was forced to shave my head. My glasses are cool, though, no?”

Look worried.
Practice a pensive look. The world is being destroyed. Pretend that the Thais restaurant is shutting down.
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