New Jersey’s Trash could be Tyrone’s Treasure.
After spearheading the construction of hundreds of Section 8 housing units and approving a 19-unit industrial windfarm, Tyrone Borough Council inched closer to a White Trash trifecta–opening a gigantic landfill for use by New York and New Jersey trash haulers.
Once approved, the dump will be the crown jewel in Tyrone’s White Trash Crown.
“We, the council, feel that a gigantic landfill would be a perfect fit for Tyrone,” said Marge Olavsky, Tyrone Sanitation Supervisor said. “Many of our older residents have fond memories of the stench that used to billow out of the paper mill smokestacks. We think that the malodorous winds that drift from our new landfill will fill our citizens with nostalgia for the old old days.”
Olavsky said citizens believed the smell was synonymous with pride and industry. “As a kid, I would hear people ask: Does Tyrone still stink,” Olavsky said. “And I would be forced to reply, ‘No, it just sucks now.’ ”
That day may soon be coming to a close, if the deal with the Soprano Sanitation and Pasta is signed.
Company officials are confident that the deal will be approved, said spokesman, Louie “Onion Lips” Albanino.
“Let me ax you a question, you think that a such and such bunch of jelly fishes and other assorted invertebrates are gonna stop progress, know what I mean?” Albanino said. “Not to try, in any way, to misconstrue that the borough council is missing the spinal column in my analogy. I’m just saying a Spanish windfarm comes in. The windmills go up. Bada-Bing, Bada-bang, here’s your landfill, know what I mean?”
There’s a good chance Tyrone may even be able to get a state grant as part of Pennsylvania’s Historical Preservation Initiative.
Originally Council planned on using the funds raised by the Landfill to complete the oft delayed flood control project, but later decided that it could be put to better use in a town beautification project that would provide free plastic surgery to the town’s ugly and unsightly.
“We figured we’ve done a lot for the town’s homeless,” said Marlin Brandy, chairperson of the “Nose Jobs for Joes” project, “It’s time we do something for the homely.”
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6 responses so far ↓
1 bbb // May 16, 2008 at 6:51 am
WOW! That’s all I feel I can say…just, wow….
2 Big Jimmie Beaver // May 16, 2008 at 7:18 am
Well I think Clearfield County has got you all beat on this front. We are the king of landfills and the king of Garbage hulling trucks. You have to love getting behind one of those big light blue trucks of Kephart Trucking hauling all that wonderful garbage into our state from cities in New Jersey and New York.
This is the kind of crap that our brainchild local politicians come up with. “Lets bring trash in to our community to make money”
I hope some of you low life politicians read this post and get a feel for how the people feel about landfills. Especially when it has to do with New Jersey’s or New Yorks crap. Let them keep it in their own state. If all you can come up with is landfills to bring money into an area your worthless. They pull this stuff up our way all the time and guess what usually to to some crooked politician lining his pocket these things get moved in.
You know how much garbage we have at the landfill just up from Penfield? There’s so much that they are going to tap it to pull the methane from the land. Now how would you like to live next to that. If I lived in the Tyrone area I would be causing such a stink about moving in a landfill into the area that they would have to take the phone off the hook and lock the door.
Final note, If you thought the smell of a paper mill was bad it would smell like roses compared to Kephart’s trucks going through your town all day long.
3 Sven Waring // May 16, 2008 at 7:21 am
Ricardo… Will State College make a place for trash, so that all will share the burden and opportunity of sanitation?
4 Ulrich // May 16, 2008 at 8:29 am
Snyder Township: Home of windmills and landfills
5 Bonksy // May 16, 2008 at 4:50 pm
I’d love to have a landfill in my backyard.
It’d make disposal of my candy wrappers more convenient.
Mmmmm, candy.
6 Pacowithtaco // May 18, 2008 at 5:59 am
I am going to print that out and send it as a postcard to all of my Tyrone friends who live elsewhere.
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