Justices say holding prisoners violates Sharia law… errr… Constitution.
After declaring that Guantanamo prisoners who want to kill Americans have the same access to courts as Americans, judges have agreed that the prisoners can stay at their own homes while awaiting trial.
Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy said he and his family will take in as many Gitmo prisoners as possible. He is even considering adding a little tent community in his backyard.
Anne Smarkret, spokesperson for Supreme Court Justice David Souter said that careful preparations must be made to make sure the homes are ready to house these inmates from another culture.
“The Justice is spending some time preparing for his house guest by carefully studying the Koran,” Smarkret said. “We’re learning so much. For instance, many of the inmates are telling us that a fully-loaded AK assault rifle and ready access to plastic explosives is part of Koranic law. Perhaps for small game hunting?”
Justic Ruth Bader Ginsburg is also willing to house a few inmates, but is drawing the line at providing them firearms. She said that only felons should have access to firearms and is insisting that the inmates be convicted of a crime before she allows guns in the house.
Guatanamo prisoner Ahmed Rahmed Shamalama said he both appreciates the judges’ offer to house him during the long and expensive appeal process, as well as the feeble will of the American people.
“This openness to people who want to kill them and blow up their buildings is what makes this country such a wonderful place,” Shamalama said. “A wonderful place… to blow up! Ha! Ha! I got you, didn’t I?”
Shamalama also said he’s going to join a class action lawsuit for his detention while he’s at it.
“You know, I have a lot of time on my hands now,” Shamalama said. “And they closed down my terrorist training camp in Afghanistan, so I can’t go back there any time soon.”
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Happy Thanksgiving! Drug suspects get busted.
Rep. George gets free Penn State football tickets. Still wants his money back.
4 responses so far ↓
1 Kustaborder // Jun 16, 2008 at 7:59 am
That’s why Tyrone needs a wind farm, to combat Islamofascism! Borough council’s got the wind, so let’s harness it!
2 utinker // Jun 16, 2008 at 9:18 am
I’m sorry but the money Tyrone recieves from the windfarm will barely cover the cost to paint several more faux windows in the downtown area. In fact, by the time it’s all said and done, we’ll be lucky if we can afford an additional lawnglobe for City Hotel Park. Downtown bewtification isn’t cheap.
3 Big Jimmie Beaver // Jun 17, 2008 at 7:25 am
Hell who needs Gitmo just bring those boys to Central PA and let them be face the courts of the “GOMers” we’d make Gitmo look heaven.
Just don’t them have a court hearing in State College they would free them then have a press shot of Graham Spanier giving them all a hug as he declared that they were “Victims Of Republican Fascism”
4 Pacowithtaco // Jun 17, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Damn dirty democrats.
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