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It is not good that man is alone, I shall make him a hoagie. (Genesis)

Let’s just say the devil made him do it… if the devil, indeed, is the spiritual entity behind hoagie-induced obesity in central Pennsylvania.

Bart Smithson, a Tyrone resident, said he discovered the image of Christ on his medium onion hoagie, but decided to eat the delicious sandwich anyway.

“I know it may be considered a sin, but I waited all day for that hoagie,” Smithson said. “The spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak, unlike the onions.”

Luckily, Smithson did take a picture of the hoagie before engorging it in four bites. The image appears to show the outline of Christ etched into the side of a hoagie roll.

“It looks like Michelangelo created it,” said Doug Wallace, Smithson’s friend. “The image of Christ ain’t a bad likeness, either.”

Even though a hoagie bun with Christ’s image on it might bring in a sizable bid on eBay, Smithson said he wouldn’t have done anything different.

“The good book tells us to cast our rolls upon the water,” Smithson said. “So that our hoagies will return hundred-fold. Paraphrasing here.”

Lutheran seminarian student and hoagie theological expert, Stuart Veeson, formerly of Grazierville, said that hoagie iconography and hoagie rites of passage are among the cherished myths of northern Blair county and segments of Centre and Huntingdon counties.

“That a man would eat a sandwich that could have been a sign from our Lord does not suprise me in the least,” Veeson said. “The passion of the hoagie is hard to deny.”

Veeson said one member of his congregation was so ensnared in hoagie possession that a bishop was called in to perform an exorcism.

“It didn’t take,” Veeson said. “But, the bishop’s now on a four-hoagie-a-day habit.”

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