Uncle Entitlement: A Salute to Dependence Day
Tammy Sue Barkhard, a third-generation Welfare recipient who lives in Tyrone, said that she gets a little misty when she hears the Star-Spangled Banner on July the 4th. It’s a special day for her.
“I think about George Washington crossing the Mississippi on that special day in July and creating a country that makes no distinction between the slothful and the truly needy,” Barkhard said. “It’s a good day to reflect on what this country owes me. Plus, a few of my babies were conceived on July 4th.”
Her live-in boyfriend, Dwayne Scott Arrington said he, too, enjoys the celebration of their complete and utter dependence on the government. Arrington said has never held down a job, but recently held up a convenience store for some spare cash to buy meth.
“I like to kick back and have me a beer, eat some dogs and burgers, you know, pretty much what I do every other day,” Arrington said. “Shoot, it’s like havin’ a holiday on a vacation day. I feel like I should get double time or somethin’.”
It will be a special day for the entire family. Thanks to a lax criminal justice system, Barkhard, Arrington, the six children and most of their fathers will be together for the Dependence Day festivities.
As part of those festivities, the family holds their own fireworks display, literally–they hold fireworks and firecrackers in their hands and toss them at each other. “I’d say it’s largely symbolic,” Arrington said philosophically. “We know that the local hospital has to treat us whether we have insurance or not. One of these years, I’m gonna blow off my thumb and get me a bionic one.”
Barkhard makes sure there’s lots of food, too, by making a special food stamp run to the grocery store.
“Those food stamps sure comes in handy during celebrations,” Barkhard said. “Most times I just trade them for booze, because we don’t get any booze stamps, yet. But we do have a Democratic congress, so we’ll keep hoping.”
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5 responses so far ↓
1 utinker // Jul 2, 2008 at 6:02 am
Rumor has it that Tyrone is changing its official motto from:
“Tyrone, Pennsylvania. Where the quality of life comes first.”
to
“Tyrone, Pennsylvania. We look out for your welfare.”
2 banksy // Jul 2, 2008 at 6:07 am
The idea that someone would use food stamps for liquor is sad and revolting.
Unless it is a chocolate liqueur. Sweet, sweet ambrosia.
3 Big Jimmie Beaver // Jul 2, 2008 at 9:06 am
I could use some more handouts! Heck with giving the tax breaks to the rich. Tax Them! Pay Me!
We tried that garbage for the last 8 years, I don’t know about all of you but I don’t see those tax breaks for the rich turning into jobs for the Middle Class or higher salaries. All I see is the Middle Class getting slammed by higher gas, food, heating cost, etc.. They just keep going up and up, but according to the Fed those items don’t count as far as inflation goes. Huh! Counts in my pocketbook.
Keep those handouts coming!
Living it up in “Beaverland” Where the rich pay and poor can survive!
4 WhoDey // Jul 2, 2008 at 10:20 am
Sorry Big Jim.
Guess who’s rich?
You are.
Get ready to pay up, buddy.
5 frankdelasano // Jul 2, 2008 at 10:28 am
You know what they say, prices go up and down… taxes are forever.
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