DotPenn

The best things in life are free; for everything else, there’s whitey.

The Obama campaign is teaming up with credit card giant Mastercard to issue the official race card of the 2008 presidential elections. The credit card automatically charges whites for everything: from genocide to rigging elections to verbal slights.

Kyle Darson, Obama campaign finance manager, said the candidate, whose image is emblazoned on the card, likes the convenience and easy payments of the race card.

“Barack likes whipping out the race card whenever and wherever he wants to,” Darson said. “And when he’s running low on hedge fund contributions, he knows a fresh line of money is just a guilt trip away.”

Maxwell Fontaine, who heads up Mastercard’s Race Card division, said that white peope who don’t carry the race card probably have their wallets choked with money they got just because they’re white, as well as other cards.

“Maybe they have so many KKK, Sons of Confederate War Veterans and John Birch Society cards, they simply don’t have any more room for our card,” Fontaine said. “And they probably got little pictures of McCain and Hitler in there, too.”

While the interest rate is set low for minorities, the rate for whites is charged at 21 percent, compounded over the last 352 years of oppression.

“It should be 360 years of oppression,” said Fontaine. “But we deducted the ten years we subjected white people to disco music. Then we added two more years that people of color were subjected to Vanilla Ice.”

The card also features a Rewards for Reparations program, said Fontaine. Rebates for using the Race Card will help pay for the Obama reparations campaign, now called re-education reform.

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