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Snyder Township wasn’t built in a day; it just looks that way. 

Snyder Township is preparing for its annual Founders’ Day celebration this weekend and the festivities include a copper-stealing contest, silent scrap metal auction, and parade of available cousins.

According to Maybelle Carson, Snyder Township historian and owner of the Happy-Latchin’, an exotic clog dancing establishment, the township was founded by two brothers and two sisters, who settled in the township in 1802 and are responsible for 80 percent of the township’s current population.

The women’s names were not recorded, reflecting the lowly stature of hunchbacks in early township society, but Carson said the brothers–Joe Bob and Bob Bob– play an important role in area folklore.

“Well, thems like our Romulus and Remus,” said Carson. “Exceptin’ there’s no evidence they’s homosexual, nor were they weened by any type a wolf. It was actually just a stray dog.”

Snyder Township remains a genealogical aberration. While many genealogists spend hours meticulously researching their family trees, the process has been streamlined for inhabitants of Snyder Township who refer to their ancestral line as the family pole or trunk.

“When yer roots run deep, yins don’t need lots of branches,” said Carson. “Plus, an ample supply of fingers and toes engendered by selective inter-familial breeding makes our base six mathematics much easier to implement at the grade school level.”

The Founders’ Day celebration has been a township tradition for more than 100 years. The festivities were not held during World War II when most of the men had volunteered to fight for the Nazis as bayonet dummies.

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