DotPenn

 Yurts may solve state’s biggest problem: too many trailer courts.

With millions of dollars in LIHEAP funds safely tucked away, Edward (Genghis Con) Rendell said the key to 21st century energy needs may be found in 12th century nomadic technology.

Yurts for Yinz will provide tents for folks feeling the bitter bite of the state’s high energy bills. Yurts were the living space of choice for 11th and 12th century nomadic Mongolians, who faced winters almost as bad as Pennsylvanians. Almost.

G. Jack Strawl, spokesperson for the state’s energy department, said that the push for yurts mirrors the state’s other programs that use ancient technology–like wind energy and graft–to confront modern problems.

“Since we’re bringing back windmills, we thought why not kick it a little old school,” Strawl said. “And since Pennsylvania doesn’t have enough caves, we figured yurts are the next best thing.”

Strawl said yurts would be a step up for the living conditions of most central Pennsylvanians.

“I’ve seen some of the shacks and trailers these people live in and the yurt is very luxurious,” Strawl said. “If I didn’t have a townhouse in Philadelphia, a country home in Maine, and a condo in Hilton Head, I would be in one right now. Oh. And an apartment in Harrisburg. Forgot about that.”

Residents can apply for the program by sending an application on parchment. The state asks to include a beaver pelt for fair trade, or a yellow-haired woman in reasonable condition.

The money saved from the LIHEAP program will be saved in the state’s rainy day fund and then, when nobody is paying attention, distributed as bonuses to election workers and kickbacks to Philadelphia contractors.

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