Rendell Pitches “Crimes For Coverage” Program

August 11th, 2008 · No Comments

Patch Rendell visits the state’s latest health care initiative.

Pennsylvania criminals get great health care, now Gov. Edward (Patch) Rendell is creating a plan to grant the state’s low-income workers access to premium health care by participating in the penal system.

Rendell said that the state allowed a child rapist to get a million-dollar heart bypass surgery. The Crime for Coverage will provide similar quality health care for workers who show the initiative to plan and execute crimes.

“Now, we’re not saying you have to be a rapist, or a murderer, although these crimes do provide long-term coverage,” Rendell said. “We’re just saying to our workers: get off your asses and commit a couple crimes. Let’s work together Pennsylvania!”

Rendell mentioned that an Altoona man who is accused of robbing a state liquor store for a bottle of Rumplemintz might be covered under the new plan.

“Armed robbery for a bottle of Rumplemintz?” Rendell said. “Give that man a liver transplant.”

Rendell said that everyone wins with the Crimes for Coverage program.

“Inmates win, our workers win, and our bureaucracy wins because there’s an influx of people into the system and a doubling of the burden on taxpayers,” Rendell said. “This is government at its best.”

Butch Waldorf, an inmate at the State Correctional Institution at Camp Hill, said he recently had a tummy tuck and a Botox treatment.

“I don’t mean telling you, looking good is just as important as feeling good when you’re in prison,” Waldorf said. “My self-esteem soars with each whistle.”

Rendell said other bipartisan health initiatives were rejected because they were too “bi-partisany” and too “cooperativey.”

“We must uphold our government’s fine tradition of refusing to cooperate on viable solutions to our state’s problems and, instead, feed old programs that don’t work with large monetary infusions,” Rendell said. “That’s our commitment to the future.”

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