DotPenn

 The dance continues. Nader seeks a diverse and fierce ticket.

In an election environment where diversity is playing a key role in attracting voters, perpetual presidential contender Ralph Nader said he’s decided on dancer Jose Fantastico as his running mate. Fantastico will be the first Hispanic and the only openly gay vice presidential candidate in history.

“Oh my God! I feel like Sally Field,” Fantastico said at a press conference. “You like me! You really, really like me!”

Fantastico said he brings a lot to the ticket. His style sense is listed as a major asset to Nader, who has been criticized for his lack of fashion fierceness by the gay community.

“First of all, I need to work on Ralphy’s wardrobe,” said Fantastico. “Can you say frumpy-dumpy, boys and girls? I told him to take the suit out of his wrinkles. Hello. Buy an iron. He’s unfashionable at any speed.”

Domestic policy is important for Nader-Fantastico. Nader will work on improving consumer safety and increasing taxes, and Fantastico pledges to add a brighter color pallette to the drab White House interior and exterior color schemes.

“White House? That’s so 1800s I think I just fell off my stagecoach,” Fantastico said. “We won the Civil War, for goodness sake. I order you to buy some paint, General Sherwin Williams!”

Fantastico shares many of Nader’s populist opinions.

“I’ m a people person,” Fantastico said. “I was voted the most populist person in my high school.”
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