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Four Horsepersons to unleash politically-correct havoc. They also recycle. The four horsemen of the apocalypse say they are the latest victims of political correctness. War, Conquest, Famine and Death, formerly known as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, have been renamed the Four Horsepersons of the Apocalypse. They may be forced to drop their color-coded designations and add a fifth female rider, "Menopause," as another sign that the apocalyptic times are a changin'. "Well, I'm not happy about it," said Conquest. "You know, you're trying to spread fear and mayhem throughout the world and you have to be so polite and constrained. Where's the punch, the zip?" Death has been told he must change the color of his horse. "Pale is not a politically-correct term because it brings up negative connotations of the centuries of warfare and terrorism brought against the indigenous peoples of Americas," said Death. "I must now ride a flesh-color horse that is appropriate to the culture with whom I am visiting and, of course, killing." Menopause is encouraged by her addition to the apocalyptic lineup, but says the glass ceiling still exists in mythic portents of doom. "I'd like to think I--and Hillary Clinton--have beat a path out for the next woman who wants to cause disasters, but it's not the freeway one would expect," said Menopause. "Now. Get out of my face I'm having a heat flash." In other headlines Fossil stolen. Drugists warned not to take skull of Allosaurus as payment for oxycontin. Clearfield council says they'll talk to mayor, but won't enjoy it. Professor collects pennies. Juniata College's salary structure under scrutiny.
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