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Obama to the encroaching upper middle class: Let them eat weenies. Presidential candidate Barack Obama told middle-class Pennsylvanians during a swing through the state that he promises one change isn't in the cards: they won't have to worry about changing to upper-middle class. "I just want to tell you now that when I'm president, you'll finally have someone in the Oval Office who will look after the middle class," Obama told a cheering crowd of Ku Klux Klansmen, neo-nazis, veterans of the Italian National Fascist Party, and a smattering of non-racist, non-religious zealots. "You will be looked over while you remain mired in your meaningless, drab, nine-to-five, cubicle-bound world with no chance of being financially independent until you are 65, maybe 68." "Probably 72, for some of you," Obama continued. "Those who don't die in ATV crashes. Which will be banned, as well." Obama said that his new tax structure would insure that any increase in income through hard work, luck, inheritance, wise financial decision-making, skrimping and saving, or discovering gold under their modest ranch-style homes would be immediately confiscated and distributed to people who finally wised up and went on Welfare, as well as to increased governmental agencies that will use the money for things like a national NASCAR museum and interactive learning center. In an Obama adminsitration, access to the upper middle-class would be tantalizingly out of reach, except for a few bureacrats and party apparatchiks. Andre Ray Davenport, a middle class Obama supporter who works as a bowling ball buffer, said the candidate's words were reassuring. "What Barack is telling us, the little guy, is there's no need to take on an extra job or do more work," said Devenport. "I just hope I don't hit the lottery and screw everything up." In other headlines... College students protest War in Iraq. No, hell no. Lions beat the Buckeyes!!! Woo-hoo! What about Joe the Investor? Jed Clampett misses informational meeting.
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