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Murtha struggles to come up with new ways to insult his constituents. Congressman John Murtha (D-Racist, Redneck Land) said he is running out of new insults for the citizens of his district and is enlisting the aid of liberal mouthpiece MoveOn.org for help. Murtha said he is facing an insult deficit after already calling his constituents racists and rednecks and saying that Marines were baby killers. The congressman has employed several comedians from a Johnstown club to come up with more putdowns about people for western Pennsylvania, but was disappointed about the results. "They couldn't come up with a single offensive slam, the bunch of drunk, degenerates" the congressman said as he broke out into a sudden smile. "Hey. That's not bad. I'm writing that one down." Murtha also made an insult faux pas when he called his competitor for the district's seat a carpetbagger for coming north to run against him. The term is actually used to describe Northerners who moved south to take political power in the South. "I just couldn't come up with something good," Murtha said, dejectedly. "I should have just called him a retard, at least the people in my district could relate to that since they're half-retarded themselves." Representatives from MoveOn.org are flying into Johnstown this weekend to refill Murtha with a stash of insults that were leftover from the Bush-Kerry race of 2004. "We understand Rep. Murtha's plight," said Raven Summer-Wood. "It's important to remember how stupid his voters are and to instill in them a sense of inferiority so that they'll continue to be dependent on the government for everything." "Backwoods cretins," Summer-Wood added. "Sorry, just getting ready."
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