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Yeee-Haw! Faith Shall Move Mountains, PennDOT Must Improvise PennDOT workers who have been working feverishly to complete the oft-delayed I-99 project can relax. Engineers for the transportation department have completed a feasibility study that will connect the road on Sky Top with State College using giant ramps. The plan calls for two ramps--one for south bound traffic and one for north bound traffic--to be constructed at the bottom of the mountain. Cars and trucks will pick up speed and jump over the valley and onto the completed section of the bypass. "It's an easy jump," Ben Artesan, a PennDOT engineer, said. "I mean it ain't like the Snake River Canyon, or anything." Engineers say motorists coming off the hills will need to accelerate to "120 or 130 mph" to complete the leap over the valley. Artesan suspects some cars won't make it. "I mean you might get some lilly-livered motorists who hesitate and don't get the proper acceleration at the jump point, but that'll thin the herd a bit, ease up on the stress of all that traffic, too," the engineer said. Still, engineers are undeterred. The plan has been extensively studied on their test track, a NASCAR Turbo Blaster slot race car set that the engineers put together on a table in the breakroom of PennDOT's engineering headquarters after Christmas. Despite the riskiness, PennDOT engineers have received word from the State Police that area commuters often display a strong affinity for crazy-assed driving techniques and come from a strong "Dukes of Hazzard" culture that makes them oblivious to most highway dangers. "A giant ramp?" State Trooper Bryon J. Leftowich said. "My only concern is that they'll go too fast and overshoot State College. Probably land in Lewistown." PennDOT has suggested that the new stretch of highway will be named, "The Shuster Leap of Faith Half-Overpass."
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