DotPenn

Real Estate Ventures Go Prime Slime

HGTV, or home and garden television, is exploring a pilot television program that will be filmed in Altoona. The proposed show, called Reassign My Real Estate, spotlights agents who buy properties and then quickly assign those property rights to another business or industry.

“It’s really fun to get the surprised look on a resident’s face when we tell them, remember that old folks home across the street… surprise… it’s now a methadone clinic,” said Glen Garyglenross, the show’s co-executive producer. “That look is made for television.”

Garyglenross said they are planning several property “reassigns” for the show, all of them will take place in the Altoona area.

“We have an amusement park that we’re turning into a strip mine and we also are reassigning a old mom and pop car repair shop to an Adult Book Store and Sex Club,” Garyglenross said. “All the while, the residents who live in this area have no idea what we’re doing and how devastating the effect will be on their property values.”

Garyglenross said he hopes the show educates that property reassigners aren’t gold-digging slimeballs as they are portrayed in the press.

“They’re just like you and me, with a lot less moral imperative,” Garyglenross said. “They really want to do the right thing… but they really want a Lexus, too.”

As a twist, Garyglenross is contemplating “reassigning” properties near the homes of property reassigners and chief executives who push drug treatment facilities in residential neighborhoods.

“We’re trying to put a half-way home for sexual deviants in one of the reassigner’s subdivision, right next to his house,” Garyglenross said. “Wouldn’t that make for compelling television!”

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