DotPenn

Chic-n-Geek: Heiress and scientists team up to evangelize global hotness.
Taking her lead from Al-O-bama Gore’s (D-Chicken Little) campaign to prove global warming, Paris Hilton is raising $300 million to convince people that hotness exists… and she knows hot, baby.
Hilton staffers said that funds will procure scientists to gather evidence for global hotness and help fabricate […]

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Altoona band says hard work–or at least getting a girlfriend with a job–is the key to success.
Altoona-based rock band, Awesum Possum, says it rocks harder than other area groups. Lacking physical evidence of its rock hardedness, the group’s front man Vince Caledonia says fans will offer proof.
Barry Munderson, an Awesum Possum fan, said he believes […]

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Thin line between politics and prostitution is fine. Damn fine.
A teary Altoona area hooker resigned her post as governor of the Ho-Shoe Curves Call Girl Service Union during a news conference where she admitted that she cavorted with politicians.
“It was an error in judgement and I regret it,” said Monique Spritzer, who also goes […]

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