DotPenn

Snyder residents fear particle accelerator, string theory and daily showers. 
Snyder Township breathed a huge, cigarette smoke-laced sigh of relief when scientists from the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) announced that the device malfunctioned and would require extensive repairs.
Residents feared that the particle accelerator would generate exotic forces that could reverse its status as one of the state’s premier cultural black […]

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Shiek: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad investigates American assets 
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad presented his case that the world is better off without American influence at the United Nations. The following is a transcript:
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: The Americans have bled us white, the bastards. They’ve taken everything we had, not just from us, from our fathers and from our fathers’ fathers.
Raul, Cuban delegate: And […]

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Zombies say, ”Get hand off my body. Get hand into my stomach! Ahrrgg.” 
Zombies say they’re switching from the walking dead to the marching dead as they marshall forces to counter Pro-Life rallies and parades.
The half-dead, half-living flesh eaters say pro-life forces are a threat to their individual liberties and Constitutional rights to privacy.  Most pro-choice Zombies also believe […]

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