| NASA, Fed Partner On Money Bridge To Mars |
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 The Deficit Falcon, as envisioned in this NASA reproduction. The National Air and Space Administration (NASA) and the Federal Reserve Board (NADA) say they're ready to take the next giant leap: Mars. The two government agencies are partnering on a project that would stack dollar bills from earth to Mars and serve as a bridge for astronauts traveling to the red planet. "At its closest, Mars is still more than 30 million miles away," said NASA-Fed project leader James "Ace" Grippem. "That's roughly the circumference of House of Representatives Henry Waxman's ears. It's that big!" Grippem said stacks of money printed by the Federal Reserve. "No one's even gonna miss the dollar bills at the Fed," Grippem said. "That place is full of money, among other refuse."
Bernanke has been asked to lead the mission. Although, more Americans are suggesting that President Barack Obamato become the first man on Mars. Mars, which was named for jazz trumpeter Mars Davis, will continue to be a challenge even as astronauts safely jump off the stack of dollar bills. The atmosphere is composed mostly of carbon dioxide, derived, most likely from the enormous amounts of muscle cars on the planet. Scientists expect the astronauts to immediately impose a cap and trade program on the Martian people to both destroy their economy and rapidly alter their environment to one that is more hospitable to human life. Cro-G-X12, a leader of the Martian Planetary Alliance, said he welcomes earthlings. "We await your arrival with much anticipation," said Cro-G-X12. "You see, we are having a bit of trouble in our Insurance underwriting industry and need some funds to prop up the market. Please bring a trillion of your earth dollars. Oh, and some chicks." Cro-G-X12 warned against sending Obama. "We have strict immigration policies," said Cro-G-X12. "Your president can not use his fake birth certificate to be given access to Martian soil. Hawaii... Right. And I was born in the Martian canal zone!" "End of transmission." |
According to Ben "Spanky" Bernanke, who leads both the Federal Reserve Board and Masonic plot to control the world, it would take roughly six days for the Fed printing presses to rattle off enough dollar bills to reach Mars, unless there's a federal holiday, or they need to bailout the bailout program.