Worst Economy Since Depression Continues to Grow

Worst Economy Since the Depression

Media on Economy: Recession. Depression. Please advertise!

Economists received gloomy news last week that the worst economy since the depression grew by over a half percent.

"At this rate I'll be dead before most of humanity is killed and the rest of us are forced to endure a hand-to-mouth existence as subsistence farmers and mastodon hunters," Malbert Crickendale, economist for the DotPenn financial report said. "I wish the Democrats in Congress would get off their asses and do something to speed up this demise."

Crickendale said that mainstream media's continual harping on the "subprime implosion," "credit massacre," "unprecedented foreclosures" and "Brittany's meltdown" should have had far worse effects on mass consciousness by now.

"It's like too many people are watching Lost, or something," Crickendale said. "People need to wake up and take care of the demise of their own destinies here!"

Eric Reginald Waller, a Bellefonte resident who regularly makes his mortgage payments and has a good credit history, is also worried about the glimmer of economic hope.

"When I saw that Jose Conseco lost his 7,000 square foot house to foreclosure I thought that it would be the end of the real estate market as we know it," Waller said. "I mean if a drug-addled rat of a ballplayer can't keep his mansion, who am I not to be knocked down a few pegs?"

Waller said the few hundred dollars in the government's recent stimulus package has done little to lift his spirits.

"Do you know the price of steroids?" Waller asks. "How are a few measely hundred bucks going to help Mr. Conseco? I am devastated."

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