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Mr. Peanut Chunks. A spokesperson for the peanut industry has been stricken with salmonella, federal agriculture officials and food safety experts said today. Mr. Peanut, a celebrity peanut and one of the few guys who can pull off the monocle look, was rushed to the hospital after suffering a severe bout of nausea and flu-like symptoms. Hospital authorities later said Mr. Peanut was suffering from an ironic case of salmonella. "He puked so hard he cracked his nut, causing his top hat to become dislodges," said Peter Vordt, an emergency technician who worked on Mr. Peanut. "He was also a little salty." Mr. Peanut was suffering from delusions when EMTs arrived and began to threaten them with his cane, which he normally uses during tap recitals. Salmonella can be deadly among the elderly, children and cashews. Health officials are trying to locate the source of the salmonella, although some are privately questioning Mr. Peanut's increasingly dangerous party life. Salmonella is considered a nut-based social disease on the street. "As a celebrity, Mr. Peanut is invited to all the coolest clubs and hottest parties," said Perez Sheraton, mascot gossip columnist. "Word on the street is that he doesn't pass on too many of those opportunities." Sheraton believes he picked up salmonella during one of these many outings. Sheraton has another theory. For the past few months, Mr. Peanut has been seen with Ms. Pistachio, who was just recalled for salmonella. "You do the math," Sheraton said.
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