Pennsylvanians: We've been slimed!

A strange, mucous-like slime trail that originated in Harrisburg and continued into central Pennsylvania a few days ago was caused by Governor Edward "G. Tax Me" Rendell, according to members of the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Protection cryptozoological clean-up team.

Originally, team members feared that it was the trail of a giant snail, not a gelatinous slimeball--or several of Rendell's cronies, said team leader Nick Draffenstoots.

"There is absolutely nothing to fear, at least from a toxicity standpoint," said Draffenstoots. "On the other hand, if you're afraid of living the rest of your days mired in a sewer pit of poverty, over-regulation and extreme taxation than, yeah, I guess maybe you do have something to fear."

The revelation cleared up some mysteries surrounding the so-called Harrisburg slither streams that have appeared regularly on area roadways in the past six years, or so. The trail has appeared with each budget session, although it's less see-through as it had been before.

The slime trail appears to be composed of smokey back room deals, slimy partnerships, greasy subsidies and dirty deeds, said Draffenstoots.

Residents have reported some damage, along the trail of this mystery creature.

"We thought we saw something ooze by the house a day or so ago and spread something all over the home," said Lewistown resident. R. Arnold Vickers. "Luckily we can no longer afford the property taxes and intend to move south anyways, so no big deal."

Business--or what's left of them--have reported being slimed, too, according to Bellefonte small business owner Yanni Figgits.

"Once it passed by I was immediately inundated with red tape and cascades of paperwork," Figgits speculated. "It must have been some type of reaction with the gelatinous substance of the rotund body."

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Jim Lovell  - dude   |2009-07-11 07:47:15 I guess if Rendell didn't raise taxes, Pennsylvania could always be 30 billion dollars in debt like California and be economically paralyzed. So, instead of calmly discussing facts and options, it is much more better to just bitch and moan like a pissed off 8th grader...Kudos!! Reply | Quote 0   4

Freeder   |2009-07-11 19:11:59 Kinda like you're doing? Reply | Quote 2   0

Big Jimmie Beaver  - Taxes Smaxes   |2009-07-12 20:26:43 Bunch of weeny winers! Pennsylvania has the second lowest taxes of any state in the country and if taxes go up to balance the budget we'll have the third lowest taxes in the country. Shut Up and pay for the services you use on a daily basis. You think the road paves itself or those bridges just magically get repaired or maybe the damn snow doesn't need plowed in the winter. Reply | Quote 1   2

Sven   |2009-07-13 03:43:31 Actually, Big Jim, Pennsylvania has the second lowest personal income tax... but that's not the only tax Pennsylvanians pay. When you take income tax plus sales tax plus other assorted local and state tax, Pennsylvania has the 11th highest taxes: "The Tax Foundation's State-Local Tax Burdens report calculates Pennsylvanian's total state-local tax burden from all taxes at 10.2%. This is the 11th highest nationally, above the national average of 9.7%." With that high of a tax rate, I'm sure there's enough money to plow snow and pave roads. I'm also sure there's waste we can cut before we need to raise taxes. Reply | Quote 2   0

Jack   |2009-07-13 11:52:03 I hope Penn State no longer gets a dime from the state. Let those leaches earn their money. Reply | Quote 0   1

Hayseed   |2009-07-13 12:54:58 True dat, Jack. And then they can cut that State College School Budget while they at it. Give it to some of the poorer schools. Reply | Quote 0   1

Maribeth   |2009-07-25 11:27:07 Its not just about the taxes.. try working without getting paid.. coming home to ur children who are hungry.. and say.. how about PJ sandwiches again for the 5th nite in a row. Or how about the fact that the thought was he's gonna now take it out on the veterans.. yea that could someday be ur family member or even urself.. there isnt gonna be a spot for you to be cared for.. That you wont be getting that care you deserve when u can no longer take care of yourself.. Hows that then to just think about Taxes.. Right now as one as many I can hardly feed my children.. and you wanna say that we should quit crying over it... You come and tell my kids that! Reply | Quote 0   0

umhangtrager  - Administrator     |2009-12-25 16:12:08 Meribeth, I totally understand how you feel, especially as I'm assuming that you are a state employee. I agree that it is wrong to with hold legitimate wages from a worker; but unfortunately that is not the direct problem we are dealing with. The more urgent problem is that we have all forgotten how to defend basic freedoms, one of which is the freedom from intrusive government. Often the state government is doing things it does not have a constitutional right to be doing, and that's why it doesn't have the money to do the things it OUGHT to be doing. If the government was doing the things that it should be doing, we wouldn't have 4.5% of the population of Pennsylvania employed by the government. That may not seem like a lot, but think about it; that means every 100 citizens are supporting 4 government workers! Reply | Quote 0   0

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