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P.A. for Play: eBay to help governor take graft into the 21st century. Governor Ed "G. Money" Rendell (D-Deficit) said Pennsylvania might benefit by studying other states for money-raising best practices. Illinois Governor Rod "The God" Blagojevich's recent auction for former Senator Barack Obama's seat might be one way to raise the Commonwealth's painfully-empty coffers. Unlike his Illinois colleague, Rendell may take a more populist approach and avoid the smokey backrooms of Blagojevich. "I think opening up to all people through an online auction, like eBay, is much more egalitarian," said Rendell. "Besides my eyes burn after a lifetime of exposure to cigar and cigarette smoke." Indeed, Rendell will be presenting legislation to create a statewide smoke-free backroom deal policy, the first in the nation, behind 12 other states. Rendell also wants a broader approach to selling government positions. "Why stop at Senate seats, what if a guy... or gal... wants to head up the Department of Environmental Protection?" Rendell asked myopically. "Or, he just wants a little state House seat to go along with that gentleman's farm in Lancaster County?" Corporations may also be part of the bidding process. Wind Energy Giant Gamesa is already trying to purchase several council and supervisor seats throughout central Pennsylvania. Brad Snootweather, creative director of the Ad Agency Broke, Broker, Brokest, said the governor has tasked his agency with creating a catchy slogan for the program, tentatively called, P.A. for Play. "It's testing across the boards in Philly and sections of Pittsburgh where the concept of bribery in high offices is rampant," said Snootweather. "We need to see if it works in central Pennsylvania where most public officials achieve their positions through a series of family misfortunes or morbid naivete." In Snyder Township, the concept is already proving fertile. "I need to get me a bid up there on cyberspace for one of them there drug enforcement positions," said Billy Idol Ingraver, long-time Snappy's Employee. "That access to the evidence room would be invaluable to certain ventures that I am attempting to promote."
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