Rendell Eyes Air Hockey, Pool Table Tax

Governor Ed Rendell, who approaches taxes the way he assaults cheesesteak sandwiches, will reportedly expand the tax on table games to include air hockey and pool tables.

Jimmy "Extra Thumbs" Minnomano, the governor's table games liaison, said the tax is necessary to match the state government's wild spending spree.

"Here's da ting," said Minnomano. "If you want to provide for the needed government services--like, bribing state workers to help out on campaigns or large per diem checks--then you need to seek alternative revenue sources. Know what I mean?"

Air hockey and pool table owners would be forced to pay a $16 million license fee and pass on 6 percent of all income to the state.

The tax may be further expanded to cover board games like Monopoly. The play money used in those games is nearly as valuable as actual dollar bills thanks to extreme deficit spending.

"Hey. You pay real estate tax, right? So you land on Park Place. Pay up," said Minnoman. "Capiche?"

Minnomano said that allowing table games will not only provide more money for a corrupt government, it will make Pennsylvania more exciting.

"Hey. Class up da joint a little bit," said Monnomano. "A little bit."

The state's air hockey and pool players aren't happy with the tax, especially players who are currently on the state welfare roles.

Frank Walleye, a local pool shark and Welfare activist, said taxing him makes it harder for him to spend taxpayer money.

"It's a little like robbing Peter to rob Paul to rob some other guy," said Walleye. "Eight ball. Corner pocket."

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