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Bill Doots, of Johnstown, remembers the go-go mid-2000's with relish... and mustard... and ketchup. Doots and his wife Shirley, who collectively tip the scale now at 490 pounds, were in better shape in 2006 when the couple purchased a faux brick colonial McMansion because the twin doors allowed improved access to the home. "The money was really flowing from my job as a health club instructor and Shirley had just received a grant to write haikus about cupcakes," said Bill. "The sky was the limit, but the pie was unlimited, we used to say." Then, the credit crisis hit and Bill lost his job. Soon after, the Doots lost their home. They were tossed to the corner with three cases of Twinkies and an unfinished manuscript full of 5-7-5 syllable free verse about cupcakes. Forced to spend what little money they had on things like rent and utilities, the weight began to pour off. On their last visit to the doctor, the couple were downgraded to just obese, a far cry from their former grossly overweight status. It's something Bill is still ashamed of. "I used to waddle down the street with pride," said Bill. "Now, I just kinda pitch and roll." Shirley has experienced other blows to her ego. "Behind my back, I hear my friends snicker," said Shirley. "Did someone say Snickers?" The couple's fortunes have turned around somewhat. Thanks to the enormous amount of graft in government spending now, Bill's health club was re-classified and investment bank and was awarded money from the TARP program. Shirley's book of cupcake haikus has attracted some interest from publishers, as well. "I put on eight pounds last week," Bill said with pride. "I ate a six-by-four piece of flake board," said Shirley with a grin. "Delicious."
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