|
Ebenezer Scrooge writing monologue for his new show on Air America Ebenezer Scrooge, or just Scrooge, has often been portrayed as a miserly Conservative. However, a closer examination of the skinflint character from Charles Dickens's Christmas classic, A Christmas Carol, reveals that, on the contrary, Scrooge is a progressive. Here are eleven reasons why Scrooge is a progressive. 1) Scrooge relies on government programs to handle poverty. And the Union workhouses demanded Scrooge Are they still in operation? The Treadmill and the Poor Law are in full then? said Scrooge. 2.) He ignores private charities as the most effective way to help people in need. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned they cost enough and those who are badly off must go there. 3.) Scrooge, an environmental progressive, refuses to allow his staff members to burn coal. Scrooge had a very small fire but the clerk's fire was so very much smaller that it looked like one coal. But he couldn't replenish it for Scrooge kept the coal box in his own room and so surely as the clerk came in with the shovel the master predicted that it would be necessary for them to part. 4.) Apparently uses energy-saving florescent bulbs instead of incandescent light bulbs. Darkness is cheap, and Scrooge liked it.5.) Afraid his majority cultural lens will drown out alternative voices, Scrooge made sure he never said "Merry Christmas." Prefers the more politically-correct "Bah Humbug." 6.) Like all progressives, Scrooge hates Christians. "If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!" 7) Scrooge shares the ideology of noted 21st century progressives, like Morgan Spurlock, by blaming meat and food industries for ills. "You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of underdone potato. There's more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!" 8.) Scrooge's rampant agnosticism hinders his acceptance of spirits. 9.) Faults the success of the human species for bringing undue burden on the earth and advocates a Darwinian form of genocide to solve the problem of over-population. If they would rather die, they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population. 10.) Encouraged deficit spending.
What’s Christmas time... but a time for paying bills without money. 11.) Finally, Scrooge admits that, despite a perfectly good public health care system in jolly old England, Tiny Tim remains infirm and on a waiting list for care.
|
